Week two of The Bachelor aired Monday, January 12, and the entertainment did not disappoint.  Falcon Quill guest writer, Branson Nelson ‘16, will be recapping the episode along with me. Don’t forget to tune into ABC on Monday nights at 7:00 p.m.

After an action-packed season premiere, America’s favorite farmer, Chris Soules, was left with 23 ladies who will surely battle it out for the highly desirable Bachelor. At the end of the premiere, viewers were left wondering what was going to happen to Kimberly, who had come back to beg Soules for a second chance after not receiving a rose on the first night. When Soules agreed to keep her around, the other 22 ladies showed their true colors and all but shunned the innocent Kimberly. Poor Kim, she just came out to fall in love, and now she has a large bulls-eye on her back and the other ladies are ready to shoot.

As the first date card arrived, the ladies all grabbed a seat for the great reveal. The date card read “Show me your country.” Aw, how cute, because Soules is a farmer from Iowa, so clever. Soon after the six fortunate ladies arrived to the date, Soules excitingly exclaimed that they will be having a pool party. The good news is that a pool party goes perfectly with the whole “country” themed date, because, you know, nothing says country like a bunch of girls in a pool in downtown Los Angeles. With that said, who can blame the guy? Anybody would be jumping at the first opportunity to display that chiseled body that he must have gotten from his farming roots. As the date progressed, we finally got a hint of country as the ladies, still in their bikinis (this seems to be important to Soules), rode tractors through downtown L.A. Although Soules seemed to find a connection with Ashley I., he ends up giving the date rose to Mackenzie. The two left the other six girls and headed to a restaurant to continue their date, one-on-one. However, Mackenzie’s conversation topics seemed a bit questionable. First, she asked Soules if he had ever had his ears pierced (he had) because “that’s the kind of thing she notices in a man.” Naturally, next she commented on her affection for large noses (Soules’s nose is perfect, apparently), and asks what his personal beliefs on alien existence are. Somehow, she found a way to control the damage and left the date with a rose.

Back at the mansion, another date card arrived. Luckily for Megan, a beautiful blonde, the card has her name on it. But Megan didn’t realize what the date card was. She thought it was just a love letter from her hopeful husband-to-be, which threw the other girls off. After a few minutes of girl talk about the date, Soules stopped by to pick up Megan for their one-on-one date. As is the custom throughout this TV series, Soules took Megan on an once-in-a-lifetime trip flying via helicopter into the middle of the Grand Canyon. After the ride, they had a romantic picnic dinner, and it was clear that Soules caught feelings for Megan and vice versa. It was refreshing to see a woman who was able to carry on an intelligent conversation with Soules because those moments are sometimes few and far between in The Bachelor.

As soon as Megan and Chris finished their date, another date card arrived inviting more lucky girls on a group date. The girls are picked up from the mansion with no clue as to where they are going. Their limo pulled up to what looked like a sketchy alley. It was only a matter of time before grotesque haunted house characters began terrorizing the women. The girls screamed and shouted in the limo as if they actually thought that Soules had planned for them to be physically injured and emotionally scarred on this date.

After the girls made it out of the limo, Soules explained the date to them. They would be shooting zombies with airsoft guns throughout a maze. Romantic huh? The girls suited up and followed Soules to the maze.

Of course, no episode of this season could be complete without the exotic Ashley S. chiming in with her “profound” thoughts. During the zombie killing challenge, Ashley S. has a peculiar interest in whether or not she is allowed to shoot the other girls. When she finds out she cannot, she walks around shooting the already dead zombies multiple times until the other girls force her to stop. It looked like Ashley S. really felt comfortable with that gun in her hand, which begs the question; What dark secrets is the woman hiding in her metaphorical closet?

Soules, concerned with Ashley S., tried to get some insight into what she was thinking. But when he asked if she was holding up okay [with the whole dating a guy that’s dating 23 other girls thing], she replied saying she had no idea what he was even asking, and then went on to say, “you don’t wanna gain the world and like lose the world.” Another typical Ashley S. comment that no one in America understands.

Kaitlyn, sassy and outspoken, got the date (and a kiss) at the end of the group date, surprising Brit who thought she was getting the rose for sure.

Back at the mansion, it was time for the Rose Ceremony. Like Tara from last week, Jordan, a 24-year-old student, seemed to have had some issues with standing up and slurring her words. Soules wasn’t too into it, and sent her packing. By the time the Rose Ceremony started, Soules had already kissed five girls, a record in Bachelor history.

The Rose Ceremony set Tara, Tandra, Kimberly, Jordan, and Alissa home. The only logical reason that Chris must’ve kept crazy Ashley S. is that the producers want to keep her around for entertainment purposes, but it seems like this chick needs to be checked into a mental health facility instead of vying for love on national television. Viewers never really got a good chance to meet Alissa, so that one wasn’t too surprising. Looks like Soules was right about Kimberly in the first episode because she went home, too. After Jordan’s behavior from the night, it was no shock that she was going home. However, Tara, who shaped up from the week before and was actually a cute girl, and Tandra, a beautiful blonde, were the two surprises of the night.

Week two goes to show that Soules’s season is going to be like no other. Driving tractors clad in bikinis, shooting zombies, and big noses are only small indications of the big things to come.