Q: What is your favorite Christmas song?

• “Blue Christmas” by Elvis Presley

Q: Thoughts on Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving?

• It’s getting ridiculous. Decorations should start going up and songs should start playing the day after Thanksgiving. Let Thanksgiving have its moment for goodness sake. 

Q: Do you think NASA invented thunderstorms to cover up the sound of space battles?

• A: There are two schools of thought about thunderstorms. One of them is that NASA did invent them to cover up the sound of space battles between privately warring countries. Another theory is that politicians invented them in order to control American citizen’s personal freedoms by keeping us inside our houses due to flooding, lightning, and other perceived dangers. I can’t decide which one to believe, though one of them is definitely true.

Q: How do I get a girlfriend?

• A: Just be yourself. If girls don’t like you for you, that’s their problem. Unless you’re a terrible person, then don’t be yourself.

Q: What should I get my girlfriend for Christmas?

• Don’t be the guy who just gets them a bracelet or some other piece of jewelry. Put some thought into it, get them something that is related to their interests and hobbies. 

Q: Would you rather know when or how you are going to die?

• A: I think I’d rather know how than when. If I knew when I was going to die, I would just be too worried and sad, even if it was at an old age. But if I knew how, I feel like I could just live my life more normally.

Q: What can I do to improve my jump shot?

• Besides getting in the gym and practicing? I’d opt for watching Steph, KD, and MJ highlights. Hopefully it will translate. Best of luck.

Q: What is the most beautiful song you’ve ever heard?

• “Desperado” by the Eagles, “Don’t Close Your Eyes” by Keith Whitley, and “In the Ghetto” by Elvis Presley

Q: What did you ask for for Christmas?

• A new iPhone. I’m currently still on my iPhone 7, which I’m sure is about to die permanently any day now. 

Q: Mez, you’re looking a little bigger, you know, more buff. What’s your secret?

• Well, let’s see. Oh, I started lifting heavy objects 4 days a week. And wearing shirts with shorter sleeves. K.I.M.

Q: Any ideas for a holiday date?

• Well, I guess making hot chocolate and watching a Christmas movie is a solid option. If you’re looking to get out into the world, go Christmas shopping with your partner. Make a day of it. 

Q: What is the best pie flavor?

• I can’t narrow it down to one. I’d have to go with Pecan, Pumpkin, and the I-40 pie from Buttermilk Sky Pies. (Note: This is not an advertisement or endorsement of the aforementioned pie shop. Though it is very good. I strongly recommend you try it.)

Q: Is Texas back?

• They might actually come back when every fan stops proclaiming they’re back when they haven’t won the Big 12 since 2009. And Coach Sark isn’t the answer. They had way too much talent to go 5-7 this year.

Q: Papa Mez, do you have a Christmas themed dad joke?

• Of course, I have a surplus of them this time of year. How does a sheep say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad. What was the three wisemen’s favorite Christmas song? “Oh Camel, Ye Faithful.” Yeah, I’ll stop.

That’s all for Quills & Answers: Holiday Edition. Y’all have a great holiday!