Q: Worst day and time of the week? 

A: I’m consistently at my lowest on Tuesdays around 2 PM, but truly the worst day is anytime that you think that today is tomorrow. I could be having the best Thursday, just for it all to be ruined by checking the time on my phone and seeing the word “Wednesday” on my lock screen.

Q: Thoughts on Ford Flex vs. Nissan Cube vs. Kia Soul vs. Jeep Renegade (like which is best or which is most cube)?

A: If we’re going off pure cubeness, which I think we have to in this scenario, the Ford Flex easily wins. Despite being named the Nissan Cube, the car has disappointedly soft edges. The Flex also has its naming flaws because it has some of the most rigid lines on an automobile that I’ve ever seen; it does not look like a piece of machinery designed to be flexible. I propose that the Flex and Cube swap names, Kia bring back the hamster ads for the Soul, and Jeep stop trying to make every one of their new cars look like an inbred offspring of the 1940s Willys Jeep.

Q: When it comes to the school, what aspects of school truly makes the school feel like a school and not anything less or more than a school or place where students go to participate?

A: When it comes to the school, the aspect of school that truly makes the school feel like a school is the schooling inside the school. Were it not for the schooling, the school would feel more or less like a place where students go to participate, but when you think about it, isn’t schooling just participating, if you’re a subscriber to the philosophy of participation learning? 

Q: How long do you think it will take for Kylie Jenner and Timothée Chalamet to break up? Will he become Stormi’s new baby daddy?

A: I give Kylie and Timothée about nine months, but if they announce a pregnancy then I’d say five. I imagine that their child would be named Leóness (regardless of gender) and it would grow at twice the rate of a regular human, but seemingly never age. Stormi will have no memory of the poor chocolate man.

Q: Which FWCD bathroom is best?

A: The science building bathrooms are perfect for convenience and sanitary reasons until they become infested with nats and begin to reek. I know people who will hike out to the Martin Center just to go about their business in a comfortable environment, but I think they’re fools. If you’re going to walk that far, you might as well finish the journey and go all the way to the art building where the campus’ best bathrooms reside.

Q: What is your morning routine?

A: I wake up at 7:02, but my alarm clock reads 7:35, and that gives me the adrenaline to get out of bed because I think that I’m late for school (at some point in middle school, my alarm clock gained 30 minutes. I still observe daylight savings, don’t get me wrong, but I just don’t care enough to fix my clock and it’s been so long that it’s just become a key component to the person I am today. When I eventually get a new clock I will set it 30 minutes ahead in memory of my old friend). I take a shower, using a Neutrogena face wash and a Suave Kids 3-in-1 wash with a playful sea turtle on the bottle, then I dry off using a towel that my grandmother gave me when I was in elementary school. It is blue and white striped with my name monogrammed and a hood; it’s adorable. Then I go back to my room and dress myself in the clothes that I laid out the night before. The bulk of my morning routine is spent deciding what shoes to wear, but I usually ultimately settle on the shoes that Mr. Lichaj gave to me, which I affectionately refer to as the Lichaj 1s. I then pick up my pre-packed bags and grab breakfast (either a bagel, yogurt, Clif Bar, or raisins) and head to school, listening to NPR’s “Up First.”

Q: What is the best airplane snack and why?

A: If I were to eat only one kind of food for the rest of my life it would be Lotus’ Biscoff cookies. The best part of air travel is when the flight attendant finally reaches your row, but you’ve already had your movie paused for the past five minutes in anticipation, and they lean in to ask you, “Anything to drink?” and you say “Yes, please,” and give them your order, and they take their sweet time pouring your drink, and then they give it to you, and then they ask, “Cookies?” and you say “Yes, please,” and they give you a little packet of Biscoff, and then you nibble on your cookies as you hope that your neighbor can’t see that you’re watching “Sausage Party.” I love these cookies so much that my family gifted me a wholesale unit of them a few years ago for Christmas. One week of online school and they were gone.

Q: Does the thought of humanity’s cosmic insignificance frequently cross your mind?

A: Sometimes I think about not doing my homework. But then I just do it anyway.

Q: Best tv shows to binge?

A: I just finished “Invincible,” but I find it hard to take a show seriously when cartoon characters swear. I would recommend it for a binge, but it is one of those shows that you’ll finish, be super hyped for the next season, but when it ultimately comes a year later you’re embarrassed that you ever watched the show. That’s my problem with binging shows that haven’t already been canceled by their producers: after a break from them you will always be disappointed when you return. This is true for “Outer Banks,” “The Flash,” “Rick and Morty,” “Space Force,” any Marvel TV show, “Emily in Paris,” and even “Saturday Night Live.” The reason why we binge shows that are already over and done is because they cannot change. I’m a big fan of “How I Met Your Mother” because I can come back to it time after time and every single episode is the same. It’s always a variation of the core cast sitting in a bar and telling stories. It sounds boring when you say it like that, but isn’t this true of all the TV shows we hold to be the ultimate binge material? “The Office”: people working in an office. “Friends”: people living in two adjacent apartments in NYC. “Full House”: a full house. I can go on, but I think you get my point. Anyways, my go-to show is “Community,” so go check it out.

Q: What is the hardest sport in each season for both boys and girls?

A: I can’t speak to the hardest sport, because I’ve only played two at FWCD, and one I was so criminally bad at that I was relegated to the freshman team two years in a row and then quit a day into the season for the two years that followed. That being said, I am a firm believer that Cross Country is, without a doubt, the most difficult sport.

Q: Most anticipated break-up before college in our grade?

A: My answer to this question already broke up, so I guess in a twisted kind of way, I win.

Q: What college are you planning on going to?

A: IDK. Somewhere cool I hope.

Q: Thoughts on Jimmy Butler’s new emo look?

A: I’m a big Jimmy Butler hater, and his media day pictures this year only added fuel to the fire. Mark my words, the Celtics and Heat are going to meet in the playoffs and I will have to stare at Butler’s lip piercings and his hair that he stole from Anthony Padilla’s 2002 style guide as he dismantles my team in seven games.

Q: What’s your favorite pair of shoes?

A: My favorite pair of shoes that I own are my track spikes. I got them for $15 at the TCU athletics surplus sale. They’re white with purple laces, a metallic purple sole, and the TCU logo printed on the tongue. They make me run slower compared to previous spikes I’ve worn, but form always comes before function.

Q: Is Ping Pong a sport?

A: Only on “Wii Sports Resort.”

Q: Are you a furry?

A: Woof woof.