Welcome to the spring edition of Quills & Answers  with Jack Mezey ’23. Thank y’all for you questions and I’ll see y’all next year! (Note: This was originally published in the April 2022 issue of the print edition of The Falcon Quill.)

Q: APUSH or AP Lit?

• I take both and love Mrs. Collins and Mrs. Giroir. So I’m going to say no comment because I don’t want Mrs. Giroir to hit me with a roll of paper again. 

Q: Is there life beyond earth?

• Obviously there is bacterial life as close to us as Mars. But assuming you’re talking about intelligent life, I don’t think there is in our solar system. We are advanced enough that we would know. But I 100% believe there is intelligent life outside of our solar system.

Q: Why in the world do you drink unsweet tea?

• It’s better for you since it has no sugars in it. It hydrates you instead of dehydrating you since it has no sugars in it. It tastes better and is much more refreshing, as long as it has a lemon in it. End of conversation.

Q: What’s the biggest red flag in a girl?

• Being on their phone too much. Not being able to put down their phone or get off social media gives the signal that they have something better to do than be with you. This goes both ways, as guys can be guilty of this too. 

Q: Could we please get an update on your relationship status?

• In a relationship. That’s all the information I have for y’all at this time. 

Q: Would you beat Putin in an arm-wrestling match?

• Obviously. I lift. And how could I lose with Coach Jenke on my side? 

Q: Are you team Kanye or team Skete?

• I’m team Skete all the way. Still not sure why Pete Davidson is nicknamed Skete, but I’m on his side. Kanye, excuse me, Ye needs to chill.

Q: What is your walk up song and why?

• “The Chain” by Fleetwood Mac. I start it at 3:10, which is the iconic bassline played by John McVie that bleeds into the guitar solo by Lindsey Buckingham. It builds anticipation. It strikes fear into the heart of the opponent. It rocks.

Q: Who would win in a fight, James Bond or Jason Bourne?

• The answer is the same no matter what parameters are put on the fight. Gadgets or no gadgets, guns or no guns. 007 is the only answer. If you don’t believe me, watch the stairwell fight in Casino Royale and tell me that he is not the best fighter between the two. And that’s just one example of probably about 50, dating back to Dr. No starring Sean Connery. No spy is as good as him, or a better fighter than him. Even Jason Bourne, who is no slouch. Plus, Bond will look like a million bucks right after the fight, so… style points.

Q: Favorite food from Sage?

• I have to keep it simple and go with their hamburgers. They have a nice smokey flavor to them and the burger bar allows us to personalize them to our specific tastes. But I’d say we get burgers about once every three to four months, so for an everyday option I’d suggest a chicken salad sandwich from the sandwich bar. White bread, chicken salad, two pieces of lettuce, and a tomato. It’s fresh and delicious, and is pretty healthy as well. 

Q: How long do you think it’ll take for Russia to take over?

• If things stay as they are right now, it’d be easy to envision the conflict going on for months on end. However, if Russia decides to put a larger portion of their armed forces into Ukraine, it could end in a matter of weeks. 

Q: How red is your hair (hex value)? 

• Well, finding the hex value seems above my paygrade. But I can tell you that my hair isn’t really red. I’d call it more of a dark auburn. When I was younger it was actually red, but it’s gotten much darker over the years.

Q: What is your favorite type of cheese?

• My personal favorite is Tillamook Maker’s Reserve White Cheddar Cheese. Every block is aged for at least three years. I love a sharp cheddar, and Tillamook Maker’s Reserve is the best in the business. 

Q: Where is Matthew Perse?

• He either traveled back to Big Bend and got lost again, or he moved to the Falkland Islands and is secretly fighting to return them to their rightful owner: Argentina.

Q: What will you do when Yellowstone ends?

• Finish watching 1883, and then bide my time until the 14 episode season five comes out in the summer by quoting John Dutton in every possible conversation and upgrading my wardrobe to the Dutton standard. So basically just get a cowboy hat, some Wranglers, and John’s iconic ranch coat. 

Q: Would you rather jump out of a plane or jump off a cliff?

• Definitely a plane. I’d feel comforted by the parachute, despite being much higher up. Something about jumping into water makes me extremely uncomfortable. 

Q: What does space smell like?

• “The center of our galaxy smells like rum and raspberries. The center of the galaxy is ethyl formate, which is the same gas that gives rum its smell and raspberries their taste”. That’s a quote from the movie Molly’s Game, which has absolutely nothing to do with astronomy. It is a great movie though. Y’all should watch it. 

Q: Do you K.I.M.?

• All day every day. I learned my lesson. 

Q: Do you have a type?

• Based on my dating history, blondes.

Q: Can I borrow some money?

• Oh, I was going to ask you the same question.

Q: Thoughts on coffee?

• Well, a month ago I hated coffee in all of its forms. Then my girlfriend introduced me to La Colombe Coffee and their vanilla flavored canned iced coffee. To my surprise, it was pretty decent. I’m still a long way away from drinking a normal cup of coffee, if that ever happens, but I’m making progress.

Q: What is the state of FWCD?

• A work in progress. I’d rather not get into my grievances here, but I’d be happy to have a conversation with you about it. 

Q: What is your mental age?

• Probably about 38. Not sure why but that number seems right.

Q: Best and worst Ben & Jerry’s flavor?

• I only eat Blue Bell. I have no hate for Ben & Jerry’s but anything besides Blue Bell and you can’t call yourself a Southerner.